depression, vodka and chocolate....

 The weekend is over and i am returning to hell tomorrow. my husband is off to see his mom and i am depressed more than ever..... as i sit down with a bottle of vodka gulping down the fire , my life is flashing in front of my eyes...

i was a normal teenager living my life when the twist of fate occurred or rather the twist of stars (the bloody indian horoscope). i hail from a super orthodox south Indian upper middle class family and my parents have enjoyed controlling our lives (my sister's and mine) always. i hereby award them , the worlds best control freaks and never understanding parents.
Luckily, my sister found her match and got a life which was and is the biggest crime my parents see till date. (sigh) And as i was living my life, the astrologer said i had to get married before 21 or i would get married only after 36. Bingo! there starts the frenzy....they looked up a groom like shopping on ebay, the typical Indian arranged way and before i know i am engaged at the age of 19 and married at 20 to a 20 something Software engineer (the best career for a wonderful groom in India) with whom i cannot come to terms on anything...!!!

i am a graduate of business management and wanted to move into interior designing, here in again my darling parents paid a huge amount to a stupid Business school which i would call a business asylum and i joined the program like an idiot.

you may be wondering how they managed to do all this - "emotional black mailing". they are experts you know! now, i am stuck in a marriage i cant stand, i have a house to manage plus i have a professional degree i am taking which is highly stressful and of least interest....in short, "iam a mess!!"


And today, as all of this passes through my mind, i look back at my happy self...young, energetic and humorous and today....drunk, depressed, stressed out, over weight and grumpy most of the time....

tonight, the vodka keeps me sane and the nutella chocolate spread in my tummy makes me happy..
its smeared all over my face... and looking into the mirror, all i can think of is "CHOCOLATE MONSTER" staring sadly back at me from the mirror.....

good night void....

god knows whats up tomorrow